Choking On Candy

The Gates Of America

2009-06-23T02:40:00.001-07:00

She stood snarling at the gates of America, clawing the body of a security guard. Her hair looked like snow that a dog had pissed in. Make-up smeared her eyes into dark elliptical orbits. I reached inside and there was nothing...nothing but cool black wavering away against the nothing wind of her eyes. Blood giggled over her pearly yellow teeth, reflex wiped it away with her tongue, her eyes rippling with fear.

I had fallen in love.

Comfort

2009-06-16T07:17:00.001-07:00

It is the human craving of comfort that has carved this once beautiful planet into the nightmarish hellscape it is today.

This Just In...

2009-06-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

Mercerville, NJ, USA

A local man was caught late Tuesday morning attempting to paint his house in human blood. His three bedroom two bath Mercerville home had been half painted in blood when police came to question him. 82 year old Dusty McNaberthy of Mercerville, NJ initially told police that it was his own blood and it had been saved over a period of 4 months, in his freezer.

Confessions from three neighborhood schoolchildren revealed a horrifying truth. McNaberthy had been paying $5 a pint for the neighborhood children's blood for the last 14 months. He even traded drugs and pornography for blood, some schoolchildren alleged.

McNaberthy made no public statements except to say, "Yeah whattcha gonna git me on copper, distributing harmful material to minors!?" He is set to be arraigned on charges of distributing harmful material to minors on Thursday.

Cause For Alarm

2009-05-07T05:21:00.000-07:00

Fellow citizens of the Earth. I am speaking to you tonight from the office of Michael J. Migliacci, Kyoto, Japan. Within the last few hours it has become clear that the Earth is under telepathic attack from beings beyond our solar system. This is great cause for alarm and panic. All forms of panic or hysteria will be tolerated between the hours of 7 and 10 this evening. After thus stated time all those exhibiting signs of panic will be shot without question.

The attack is aimed at the higher reasoning centers of the brain. We are being forced, against our wills, to prepare our own world for colonization, and its citizenry for enslavement. However, we have been able to identify several human agents who are, aiding in this hideous sneak attack. Some have been taken into custody most are still at large.

Radio personality Rush Limbaugh has been identified as an Alien Co-Conspirator. Instead of being killed for his crimes he has been sterilized, isolated, and his mind completely erased. We are attempting to plant artificial mathematical formulas in his mind that will poison the Alien Logic Center located within sector 2146-7 of the Andromeda Galaxy, our closest galactic neighbor.

My fellow citizens, this plan must work! We need the help of every human being to succeed. Please concentrate your thoughts on Mr. Limbaugh. Try to fill his emptied mind with thoughts of love, decency and compassion. These ideas have been determined to be the most foreign and confusing to his cerebral make-up. This will give us the time we need to plant the mathematical weapon.

If we are to fail...if colonization of the Earth is imminent...the leaders of the so-called "Nuclear Club" have signed an agreement to begin bombing of all the major cities on the Earth. We must not let our culture fall into alien hands. The future of the human race depends on our success.

Thank you

Good luck

And may god have mercy on our souls.

Cut Up #4

2009-05-06T09:44:00.001-07:00

Ahead Warp Factor Two...

2009-05-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

We all know what warp speed is, it's pretty fucking fast, but what is warp speed really? In fact, it's not speed at all. The ship in question, here the NCC-1701-D, sits inside a Warp Bubble which has no connection the the movement happening around the ship. The ship and the space around the ship are not moving.

A massive gravitational field is formed in front of, and behind the ship. It pulls the place you want to go closer to you, and pushes the place you want to leave further away. That's why in Star Trek The Next Generation when the Enterprise goes into warp speed we see it stretch out like that. It gets all long and skinny and then snaps away real fast. In the old Star Trek we never see them traveling at warp speed because they had no really cool visual effect to represent it. The best we get is when the Enterprise whizzes by in the opening credits, and makes that swooosh sound, which is really retarded because there would never be a sound like that in space or moving at that speed. Its like "Hey run at 4,000,000,000,000 km/h and hear the wind rustling in our ears!"

That brings us to Warp Factors. The speed of light is 299,792,458 meters per second or 1,079,252,848.8 kilometers per hour. A warp factor is the speed of light squared, so warp factor two is 1,079,252,848.8 x 1,079,252,848.8 kilometers per hour.

The Enterprise can only go up to warp factor 9, because anymore than that would tear the ship apart. Look at the picture, there are two opposing gravity wells, if they get too big they will split the ship in half. But lets face it, if warp factor nine can get you to some hot green chick on Argelius Two, and away from a mind controlling brain worm on Seti Alpha Five in like 2 seconds, isn't that fast enough?

His Prices Were INSANE!

2009-05-05T06:53:00.000-07:00

Crazy Eddie’s going computer CRAZY! With an incredible collection of home computers and computer software. Atari, Texas Instruments, Commodore, Xerox, Crazy Eddie’s got ‘em all! All at the GUARANTEED lowest prices, shop around, get the best prices you can on computers, then take ‘em to Crazy Eddie and he’ll BEAT ‘EM! Crazy Eddie’s going COMPUTER CRAZY! Now is the time to get the computer you always wanted!

Crazy Eddie, his computer prices are INSANE!!!!

If you’re looking for a home computer go to see Crazy Eddie NOW…because Crazy Eddie’s greatest computer sale EVER is on NOW! With prices that are INSANE!!!

The Invisible Menace!

2008-08-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

If you had the power to make yourself invisible, how long do you think it would take for you to turn to serious crime? I was just watching a show about the Darwinian roots of morality and altruism. Richard Dawkins was arguing that altruistic behavior is a beneficial trait that is handed down through Darwinian natural selection. Other scientists and religious leaders were not convinced saying that altruistic behavior must go deeper than just a technique of passing on genes.

The problem for the other scientists was that, in Dawkins' view, altruism was a veneer, and that underneath that people were bloodthirsty animals. Things like generosity and sympathy were simply ways of getting mates and keeping the peace. But once they were unnecessary man would revert to his natural method of getting what he wants.

Well, put it too the test yourself. If you had the power to render yourself invisible what would you do? I live in Japan, but many of my friends and family are at home in the United States. I would be flying first class (invisibly, of course) to see them every other week. Now that is stealing!

And what if there is a cute stewardess aboard the flight? Of course, I would fly Singapore Airlines, and the likelihood of a beautiful stewardess would be rather good indeed. So, would I try to look down her shirt or up her skirt? Probably. But on Singapore Airlines they wear very long dresses that show only the ankles, and are totally closed at the neck! I'll have to find out what the stewardesses are wearing on other airlines before I make my final decision.

There you go, I'm invisible for one day and Im flying first class to New York with my head up some girl's skirt. I can't afford a trip to New York at the moment so where will my money come from? I could just stay invisible the whole trip taking what I want, but my friends and family would be terribly disappointed. This disembodied voice talking to them from out of the blue, eating caviar and champagne cocktails at two in the afternoon. I couldn't remain visible, and that means I would need money. But how much, and whence?

I would have to steal money, which would be no problem as I've already been stealing, what with the flight and everything. So where do I steal the money from? Where would have the least impact. A shop? No that's someone's livelihood. A major corporation like Starbucks? No, I can see it now "Johnson! Your register is under today! Guards, seize him!" Maybe one dollar from everyone on the street? No, that would take too long. I can only make myself invisible, not alter time.

Ok that's it, I'm settled on the bank. But how much do I need. Ummmm... mayabe $400 would do it. But there are piles of money just lying around here. $10,000 is just as easy as $400. Ummmm...and just think what I could do with that kinda scratch!

OK, so one day in I'm stealing international transportation, molesting young women (I never touched her!) and I'm a bank robber. Keep in mind this is only day one. So if you ever find yourself in the position to make yourself invisible tread softly. These are dangerous waters, my friends.

Don't Drink Coca-Cola!

2008-08-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Don't drink Coca-Cola, it's bad for your teeth, blood and hair. It irritates the lining of the stomach. It loosens bone marrow with it's gentle fizzing effect. It causes brain bubbles, partial paralysis in seven major muscle groups, and can lead to dependency.

Don't drink Coca-Cola, it's bad for society. It liters the Earth with all things Coca-Cola. A sign on the street. A house in the mountains. A can of Coca-Cola nine miles beneath the surface of the sea. Coca-Cola cans on the moon, and orbiting other planets in distant galaxies.

Don't drink Coca-Cola, its bad for the mind. It may distort the truth. It may plant false information. It may cause your internal organs to become independent entities. They will possess all the hopes and dreams, fears and worries that your brain now enjoys exclusively.

Don't drink Coca-Cola, it's made from Mickey Mouse's tears. It contains human blood. It has 5mcg of LSD in every bottle. It will make you murder your parents and worship satan. It might help terrorist to construct new cities only to bomb them. And it may make us vulnerable to attack from space.

For more information please go to www.coca-cola.co.uk/yourhealth/whats_in_our_drinks/

Terminal Station

2008-08-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

The piss vapor settles over everything. The bum's rotting teeth. The dirty television screen which offers nothing but static, and the occasional twisted form. Newspapers and coffee cups roaming around on their own. A bench, carved into artwork.

Ponder the perfection of insects, the cockroach, the earth worm, blood parasites. They fed on the dinosaurs, and proto-humans. Now, the television soaked brains of modern youth. Poisoned with information. Too much to handle or process. It enters the body through the syringe, pills, contaminated food, delicacies, and candy. It burrows into the cavities, is absorbed through the skin, and is transmitted through radio waves. We broadcast it, and rebroadcast it. Photocopied conversations coat everything like a film. Wash it off in the hot shower. Words, letters and sentences run down the drain like centipedes.

The bum starts to cough so violently I expect to see a gentle sprinkling of blood on the newspaper blanket. His bloated blue-green hands hold the sides of his head. He starts to settle down. The chittering click of the departure sign sings in the vibrating light of the station. The pizza shop is closing. The smell of the oven's sealed off behind an airtight gate. Those few warm molecules were our only nourishment. Now we gasp, gape our mouths, wirelike teeth straining the air for lingering particles. When there is nothing left we are forced to venture out...into the city.

Sarah Palin Sucks!

2008-09-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin is not only a religious fanatic but a genuinely stupid person. She believes and has stated publicly that the war raging in Iraq is the "Will of God" and that the "Hand of God" is guiding the battle there. Well, unless God has an office at the Pentagon I don't think he has a say in troop deployment in Iraq. Also I don't think he would be so willing to shelve the first commandment in order to secure a few more years of oil guzzling for the United States.

Mrs. Palin is also staunchly pro-life. Yet, when her hot, young teenage daughter gets herself knocked up (not because of bad parenting mind you! She just so happens to live in a town where there is nothing to do but fuck and smoke methamphetamine) she lets her make her "own" decision about what to do. A luxury that will not be passed on to you if she is to become vice president. I'm not pro-life or pro-choice. I'm pro-abortion! Abortions should be enforced or at least encouraged. It's the only humane thing to do in a world facing the kind of crisis we are facing now.

In a Sarah Palin world the streets will be awash in unloved and unwanted children. They will flow out of maternity wards, hotel rooms and crack houses. They will wander the streets like bloodthirsty zombies. Terrorizing God-loving, law abiding, pro-life citizens. They will have to be jailed, electrocuted, and exposed to poisonous gasses. They will be mowed down by machine gun fire at road blocks at the intersections of every major street in every major city in America. Their bodies will pile up like sandbags. The army and the national guard (now with new uniforms, all black with a cross on the armband and "Thou Shalt Not Kill" written on the helmet) will do the work of God and slaughter these unwanted children of the dammed before they have the chance to grow up and vote.

Those who can be controlled and manipulated will be sent off to fight senseless and useless wars halfway around the world, to deny freedom to those who oppose freedom. They will secure that glorious black blood, the flesh of dinosaurs, the soul of the prehistoric world, that oil that keeps America burning white hot, raising the temperature of the Earth, melting the polar ice caps, opening up new and fertile land for disease and deadly fungi to run rampant.

Yes, keep that glorious pulse of electricity pounding into our X-Boxes, moblie phones and mobile homes. Into our instruments of death and destruction. Without power the United States could not lead the war against nature, education and freedom. We would not have the mass communicative abilities to blame China and India for global warming even though they came to the party 100 years late. Without power how would we spread the word of God, and spread the legs of the third world? Without power how would we oppress and incinerate the poor in our own country and around the world? Without power how would we force Coca-Cola and anti-depressants down the throats of the civilized world!? Without power indeed, maybe that is the best thing that could happen.

High on Mt. Olympus

2009-02-06T04:27:00.000-08:00

This picture disgusts me for so many reasons. Michael Phelps is being dropped from hugely lucrative sponsorships, and being suspended from the U.S. Swim Team because of this photo.

Kellogg's (and the United States Swim Team) say that Phelps is letting people down by not living up to his Olympian image. I find this to be an incredible injustice! One: Phelps has more than lived up to the image of an Olympian, by winning more gold medals at one Olympics than anyone in the history of the games. Two: The only reason to drop someone from sponsorship is because they are hurting your brand name. So basically Phelps is being punished for not being able to sell sugar coated, artificial preservative laden garbage to children. These two things make him a hero in my book.

Lastly, Phelps is not being punished for not living up to the standards of an Olympian, he is being punished for not living up to the standards of a stoner. Pot smokers are not Olympians, or heads of state, or captains of industry. They are losers, dopers, and degenerate scum who have no respect for law and decency. The fact that Michael Phelps does not live up to THIS stereotype is the only reason that he is being punished.

He is hurting an industry that profits from the poisoning of your children. Sugary breakfast cereal is the number one cause of misdiagnosis of ADD, ADHD, and depression in American children. If he hurts that industry, he might hurt other industries, like the pharmaceutical industry. They not only make money off drugging misdiagnosed children, but billions more off of drugging the near lethal side effects of those drugs.

If Michael Phelps gets kids off Ritalin and onto pot than he is a bigger American hero than I thought. God bless you Mr. Phelps and keep on puffin'.

Much Love,

Michael J. Migliacci

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

2009-02-22T07:56:00.000-08:00

Finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally there is a comfortable, affordable way to end your suffering, with minimal impact on friends, family and the ones you love the most.

Chemotherapy? Psychoanalysis? Drug and alcohol rehabilitation? Expensive and debilitating surgery? Why continue on in the overly expensive and totally unreliable medical establishment? Their ultimate goal is to keep you a sick and paying customer for as long as they can. Then, pass that debt on to the ones you leave behind.

After a brief physical examination and short questionnaire, our staff of highly trained professionals will lead you to the next phase of existence, in our clean and thoroughly modern facilities. Take that next step at a time and place of your choosing with courage and dignity.

For a free brochure and tour please call 1-800-light@end or check us out on the web at www.lightattheendofthetunnel.com.

Your future is up to you. Make the right choice and walk toward the light!

TV Bomb

2009-03-17T05:12:00.000-07:00

Only now is the real threat of a Television attack on the United States becoming clear. Television attacks are the most sneaky and manipulative type of invasion mankind has yet devised. No loud bangs or enemy troops in your back yard. No discernible targets like cities, government installations, or power supplies. The Television attack strikes right at the heart of the American people, at our minds and our culture.

How can one tell if they are under attack by televised means? Well... it's very difficult to tell. The attack comes on slow, and seems pleasant at first, almost enjoyable. You laugh, sit around in your safe home with friends and family, everything seems perfectly normal. Why, everyone is enjoying themselves. Laughing, crying, tuning in every week! Gabbing with their pals around the water cooler, "Say Jim, did you see so and so on the tube last night? What a gas!"

In fact, everyone is enjoying themselves so much that those who don't have, or don't watch television start to look strange. They no longer fit in. They don't understand the new jokes, they can't get with the new way of talking or seeing things. The events in their lives do not correspond with those being send out via the television. At this point the battle is all but won.

But this begs the question, where are we now? An attack comes on slow and it may take decades to destroy an entire country. The United States has been under attack for nearly 60 years. How long do we have left. It's up to you.

Destroy your television now! And encourage others to do the same.

Thank you and goodnight.

Hammerhead

2009-04-23T17:09:00.001-07:00

"Doctor, I'm having a terrible problem."

"What is it my son?"

"Every morning when I get up I drink a cup of coffee, then smash myself in the face with a hammer about ten times."

"I see...do you do this every morning?"

"Yes, and sometimes in the late afternoon."

"Ok, and what seems to be the problem?"

"Well I'm experiencing headaches, swelling, bleeding and the occasional shattering of teeth. What can I do?"

"Well, I think those mysterious symptoms might be related to the hammering of your face, but there is no way to make sure."

"Oh God! Help me doctor!"

"I think we need to use a multi-pronged approach in dealing with all of your symptoms so your body can heal itself."

"Will it be expensive?"

"Yes, very."

"Ummm..."

"First, we must deal with the pain! Im going to prescribe morphine. It's highly addictive and can cause extensive liver damage, but it will be effective on pain of this severity. Secondly, all of your teeth must be removed, this will prevent shattering, and cutting of the lips and gums by razor sharp tooth fragments."

"How will I eat?"

"You will have to be put on a liquid diet for the rest of your life."

"Won't I lose weight?"

"Yes and no. You will lose weight on the diet, but we will give you medication that will slow down your metabolism. It may leave you weakened and lethargic, and could lead to depression. But don't worry, we can take care of that with a colorful cocktail of anti-depressants."

"What else, doctor?"

"I suggest surgery on both of your shoulders as well as your forearms. We need to go in there and get those large muscles out! It's those muscles that are allowing you to hit your face with such force."

"Will I be able to use my arms!?"

"A little, you will still be able to lift and use a credit card, but nothing more."

"Are there any other options doctor?"

"You could stop hitting yourself in the face with a hammer, or at least cut down, but that would require you to change your behavior. This approach has a staggeringly high rate of failure and has not been proven effective. Also it would be totally unethical of me to suggest a course of treatment that's so inexpensive."

"Thank you doctor, I trust you."

"Ok, lets get you that morphine."

Dinosaurs Made My Tea

2009-04-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made a cup of tea. It was hot. Heat is energy. The energy came from the burning gas on my stove. The gas came from natural fossil fuels that contained the latent energy. The fossil fuel got the energy from the bodies of animals that died and began decomposing around 300 million years ago. The energy got into the animals from the plants they ate. The energy got into the plants by the photosynthesis of sunlight. The sunlight got into the plants after making the 8 minute journey from the Sun to the Earth about 300 million years ago. The energy got into the sunlight from the thermonuclear reaction of hydrogen atoms inside the sun. The hydrogen atoms got inside the sun by mutual gravitational attraction sometime shortly after the big bang about 20 billion years ago. I had to wait about 3 minutes for the tea to cool down.

The Intruder

2009-04-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

William S. Burroughs claimed to be possessed by what he called the Ugly Spirt. I call it The Intruder. The Intruder is a subtle but powerful thing that sits at the top of the brain stem and extends down the spinal column. It is immobile, however has agents all over the body. The most important are the ones in the hands, the guts, and the genitals.

How many people are infected is hard to tell. The Intruders communicate with each other telepathically bringing together people of similar perversions. They read our minds and exploit that information to control those around us. They not only change our perception of our environment, they can manipulate the actual physical world in a very subtle way. When you have an accidental encounter with someone you are attracted to, beware. There are many levels of communication at work. One of these frequencies could be an Intruder com link.

I'm not sure when the presence of the Intruder became clear to me but I remember some instances when I was a child of fighting off an invasion of some kind. I could feel an involuntary twisting in my legs and arms as I lay in bed, maybe six or seven years old. I thought it was the devil and tried to exorcise him by imagining a large plate of glass being lowered onto my body and passing through me like a filter. When the glass passed completely through my body there was a large black stain left where my body had been. I imagined wiping the vile black grease off with a rag and flushing it down the toilet. It was from this time on that I felt I was never really alone. Maybe that's why being alone, even for long stretches of time, doesn't bother me.

Its not impossible to fight the intruder, he does not have control, just a profound influence. The real danger is in it's ability to find others and bring you in contact with them. It's the others, the other infected people who can have real power over you. They can make you do things that you don't want to do. Or even worse tell you the things you are thinking are ok, and encourage you explore them. Trust no one.

Chuck D.

2009-04-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer in the diversity of species being derived from a process of natural selection. Anyone who just takes the time to read the original text by Darwin would have try hard to convince themselves that this process is not afoot. However, with that said, I must come clean and admit that I do not think humans are part of this process.

The key to the evolution of species through natural selection is that the organisms in question make small, progressive steps to succeed within their environment. They adapt to the environment, they have no power over the environment, unlike humans. The plants, insects and animals we see around us today are, by no means the end product of that struggle, rather the versions of those organisms that have survived to this point.

Evolution and extinction continue today as they have since the beginning of life on Earth. Animals go extinct every day and no one notices, but in our lifetimes popular animals like the polar bear will no longer exist. Imagine that for a moment. Your grandchildren will live in a world where the polar bear is off with the dinosaurs. This fact is entirely due to Human Beings.

It hasn't taken a long time either. We didn't start destroying the environment 10,000 years ago, we started 170 years ago with the Second Industrial Revolution. The planet is 4,000,000,000 years old, we fucked it up beyond repair in 170. That sucks. That really sucks. How could an organism which has, hands down, won the struggle for existence destroy the Earth that quickly? The reward for survival goes to the creature who can adapt to the changing environment. Humans have never adapted to anything! We don't adapt, we CHANGE our environment. Where did we learn to do that? Not on Earth I reckon. Somewhere out there, our true home among the stars.

Art, architecture, economy and electronics... these things are unnatural. They don't exist here, we made them up! Maybe one day when the mother ship returns to take us home, the mountains on our planet will be shaped like sky scrapers. Candy bars will grow on trees. Rivers will run with Coca-Cola (a poisonous substance on Earth), and the clouds will be made of dioxin. Ahhhhh, home at last, where the apples don't have seeds, they have microchips. Animals grow polyester fur! And "Son... there's plastic in them thar hills."

Cephalalgia.. my foot!

2009-04-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

Did you know that cephalalgia means headache!?

What else are they hiding from us? How much more don't we know? Look at this poor man! He's in pain... pain with cephalalgia! As I type this there is a dotted red line under the word cephalalgia! Just like there is a dotted red line under the word unedyukayted. That means my computer doesn't even know this word! Yet there is a medical journal deadikayted to this crazy word "cephalalgia" . Check it out!

http://www.wiley.com/bw/journal.asp?ref=0333-1024

Dear God...What Happend?

2009-05-02T07:03:00.000-07:00

Lord,

You started off sooooo strong with the whole creation. I mean, creating yourself out of nothing, then all of the matter in the universe! The Earth, the Sea, the Heavens, and Man!! That was amazing! And you didn't stop there!

The plagues in the Old Testament were a great follow up. I mean, killing sons, locusts out the ass, the Flood. You flooded the entire Earth because people weren't doin' what you wanted. You were kickin' ass and takin' names. You even had Abraham ready to knife his own kid, till you stepped in and was all like "Dude! don't do that! I was just playin' fool!" Little did Abe know you were planning the same gig for yourself in the New Testament. Looks like Jesus didn't get the pardon that Jacob did...oh well, you're God after all.

But what have you done for us lately!? I mean, states are passing gay marriage left and right, and we all know you hate gays! We can only wonder why you created them in the first place if you hate 'em so much. Just saying it's weird. No major plagues lately. AIDS had potential, but it's really just killing the uneducated people in the most impoverished nations. So much for the meek inheriting the Earth, eh? And you are losing followers like crazy! This would be a great time for some showmanship. But no...

You are reduced to revealing yourself to half-wits in grilled cheese sandwiches. What's with that. It's like four or five grilled cheese sandwiches this year! At least hit a pastrami on rye, a sandwich with a little old school flavor. I mean, it's like Elvis' Vegas gigs...you're better than that dude. Really, I'm not dissing your early work, but either retire or get back in the saddle.

Sincerely,

Michael J. Migliacci

Murderer!

2009-05-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

I'm shocked and disappointed to see that she's still alive. Steam rising from her wounds, her breath quickening. Waiting for her to die I check my watch making sure I can still make it back to the open bar and free food of the Long Island Mindless Chatter Society Annual Dinner.

Check my tux...no blood stains, good, good. The gin and tonics are stiff in there. Carbonated piss and lime pulp after one of those. Why is she still moaning, should I crack her again? Maybe I should hold her head in the pond. No, no five hundred yards from here at least, bloody up the tux for sure.

I love it when the woods are this cold and quite, reminds me of the first time. Her breaths are getting shorter now. That's a good sign, she's bleeding out. The reason the breaths get shorter is that there is less blood in the lungs. Bronchioles are closing down. Suffocation is part of bleeding to death. I hear from the other med students that it's quite pleasant.

Ahh, look at everyone in there. I can see the warm lights of Houghton Hall from here, and hear the laughter at the party. I wonder if she can hear it too? Ha ha! Is that old Duke Gleason at the piano, that old devil!

Rock Hard Abs

2009-05-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

ROCK HARD ABS IN NO TIME FLAT!

rock hard abs IN NO TIME FLAT!

Rock hard ABS! IN NO TIME FLAT!

Did you know that 99% of the human population suffers from a hideous deformity known as un-rock hard abs!? It's true! Just look around, look at your friends and family! LOOK AT YOURSELF! Well, Rock Hard Abs Inc. is dedicated to eliminating un-rock hard abs one person at a time...STARTING WITH YOU!!

Do you sit around watching TV eating cheetos and drinking diet cola thinking to yourself, "God, I wish I had rock hard abs." Well you CAN have rock hard abs, and in NO TIME FLAT! Do you kneel before a make-shift shrine to rock hard abs every night with a shotgun in your mouth, tears streaming down your fat ugly face saying "God! I wish I was dead because I don't have glistening rock hard abs!!!" Well put the shotgun down, now you too can have rock hard abs! For just $29.99 a month.

Are you tired of being embarrassed to take your shirt off on the beach because you know the girls are all snickering behind your back saying "EWWWW look at that ugly hideous freak! Why would God create such a twisted freakish monster! GOD! to not have rock hard abs must be hell!! I hope he dies soon so he doesn't have to suffer the pain of un-rock hard abs!" Well, for just $29.99 a month you could quiet those voices in your head telling you to die because of un-rock hard abism. A condition plaguing our nation.

But how will your life improve from rock hard abs? Rock hard abs will allow you to have confidence with women! You could have sex with any woman you want with rock hard abs! If you are attacked with a knife, rock hard abs will protect you, bending the knife and breaking the arm of the attacker! Rock hard abs will allow you to cure all disease including cancer! Rock hard abs will allow you to control the minds of people you do business with. Rock hard abs will change the way you think and let you see into the future. Rock hard abs will protect you and your loved ones in the case of an accidental nuclear strike from an aging soviet first strike detection system. Rock hard abs will be able to bend timespace allowing you to travel to distant galaxies without defying Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Rock hard abs will end all suffering on Earth. Rock hard abs make you the uncontested ruler of the universe, instantaneously impregnating every woman with your seed. The children will grow to maturity overnight. When they are born they will leave their mothers nothing more than a shell, a wet pink blanket thrown over a pile of bones. These children will grow into a great army and enslave all inhabited planets in the Universe. They will bend only to YOUR will. And all for $29.99 a month, plus tax.

The Addictive Brain

2009-05-02T17:52:00.000-07:00

The addictive brain is like an abscess. An open sore buried in a sugar coated skull. Rotting like a tooth. Deep, black and cavernous, rolling with maggots. They crawl down the spine, along the nerves, through the veins to the fingertips. Moving you, whispering to you, making you act. Making you use all things and people. Devouring the weak like a shark swimming in shit. The addictive brain only eats and shits. It swims, consumes and shits until it is lost in a sea of shit. Wave after wave of lost time, and forgotten moments. Nothing left to eat, you float to the bottom, and wait.

Cut Up #1

2009-05-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

Cut Up #2

2009-05-03T19:44:00.000-07:00