Why I Shave My Head...Periodically

When I was a child, perhaps 6 or 7 years old, my mother would comb my hair after my bath. I used to look down at the bottle of "hair tonic" my father had next to the sink, and tell her to comb it like that. The guy on the bottle had a classic comb-over, what they call a 30/70 in Japan. That means 30% on one side and 70% on the other.

Anyway, as the years wore on my hair follicles became permenantly frozen in this configuration. No matter how messed-up my hair became a mere flick of the wrist would send it flying back in order as if to the shout of a drill sergeant. So I had become more or less resigned to the fact that this is what I look like.

However, I began to feel that my personality was becoming too caught up in my appearance. That is to say, I felt that what I looked like was who I was. I found this profoundly disturbing. So in a fit I shaved off all of my hair, and it was absolutely cathartic.

Having no hair to comb, wash, run my hands though, look at in the mirror, check in the window of parked cars, apply gel to, mess up by wearing hats, or otherwise think about in any way was pure heaven, freedom. I felt totally liberated from having to think about what I looked like. The benefits of which were felt in almost every aspect of my life.

Everything had been reset. I woke up earlier, I chewed my food more thoroughly, my posture improved, my relationships with others improved, I had more energy and more sexual drive, I watched less television and read more, I was able to beat burly truck drivers in arm wrestling contests, I could run further than ever before, complex mathematical problems were done with the greatest of ease, and wild animals bowed before me, licking my hands and feet. I was like a reverse Sampson.

So for this reason when things are not going my way I rid myself of hair and am born anew.