Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz squinted his eyes in the low candle light of his small study. The calculations on his parchment were complete. He tossed his quill triumphantly into its well and stood tall amongst his papers. "I have invented calculus!" He exclaimed to the heavens. "I am a genius!"At that exact moment a loud crash came upon his chamber door. Then again, and again. Finally the door burst forth revealing a shining white, high heeled shoe and stocking clad leg.
"What the fuck did you just say, bitch!?"
Sir Isaac Newton stood in the doorway, a halo of white powder drifting around his wig and heavily made up face.
"I SAID I just invented Calculus" Leibniz gestured to his many papers, "And who you callin' Bitch, Bitch?"
"I'm callin' you bitch, punk! I invented calculus! And you're gonna need some mad differentials to calculate how infinitesimal your nuts are gonna be when I'm done stompin' on 'em!" Newton began rolling up his frilly sleeves and cracking his knuckles.
"Try it fool, and I'll smack that sissy-ass powdered wig straight of yo' head!" Said Leibniz brushing back his thick black curls.
"At least my wig don't look like some busted-ass jerry curl!"
"JERRY CURL?!" Leibniz grabbed a shining, curved blade that sat on his desk.
"Ahh Ahhh Ahhh." Newton said wagging his finger back and forth as he lifted up the lacy hem of his waistcoat to reveal the highly polished rosewood handle of a single shot, front loading pistol. He cocked his head to the side, screwed up his face and said "Oh, what? Not so big now, huh. C'mon big man, come at me your blade, I dare ya."
Leibniz dropped his knife leaving it standing in the floor with a twang. "We'll see what the Royal Society has to say about this, Newton."
"Yeah, we'll see." Said Newton as he slowly walked out of the room without breaking eye contact.
Read more about this and other historical events at your local library. For more on the invention of Calculus go to:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calculus
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