Cause For Alarm

Fellow citizens of the Earth.  I am speaking to you tonight from the office of Michael J. Migliacci, Kyoto, Japan.  Within the last few hours it has become clear that the Earth is under telepathic attack from beings beyond our solar system.  This is great cause for alarm and panic.  All forms of panic or hysteria will be tolerated between the hours of 7 and 10 this evening.  After thus stated time all those exhibiting signs of panic will be shot without question. 

The attack is aimed at the higher reasoning centers of the brain.  We are being forced, against our wills, to prepare our own world for colonization, and its citizenry for enslavement.  However, we have been able to identify several human agents who are, aiding in this hideous sneak attack.  Some have been taken into custody most are still at large.  

Radio personality Rush Limbaugh has been identified as an Alien Co-Conspirator.  Instead of being killed for his crimes he has been sterilized, isolated, and his mind completely erased.  We are attempting to plant artificial mathematical formulas in his mind that will poison the Alien Logic Center located within sector 2146-7 of the Andromeda Galaxy, our closest galactic neighbor.  

My fellow citizens, this plan must work!  We need the help of every human being to succeed.  Please concentrate your thoughts on Mr. Limbaugh.  Try to fill his emptied mind with thoughts of love, decency and compassion.  These ideas have been determined to be the most foreign and confusing to his cerebral make-up.  This will give us the time we need to plant the mathematical weapon. 

If we are to fail...if colonization of the Earth is imminent...the leaders of the so-called "Nuclear Club" have signed an agreement to begin bombing of all the major cities on the Earth.  We must not let our culture fall into alien hands.  The future of the human race depends on our success.

Thank you

Good luck

And may god have mercy on our souls.