What Would Be Your First Decree?

If you were ordained Supreme Ruler of the Universe, what would be your first decree?  Most of us say we would end war, stop hunger, clean up the environment.  But that would only encourage these pesky humans.  I always have the same answer for this question, which seems to pop up an awful lot.

I would collect all the weapons on earth.  Every bomb, bullet, gun, hand grenade, thermonuclear weapon, and slingshot.  Have them melted down and fashioned into a gigantic roving killing machine, who's job is to cut the human population in half as soon as possible.  The death selection would be totally randomized.  No one person would have an advantage over city sized death machine.  The method of killing would be painless.  Perhaps sucking you up through a vacuum tube of some kind, I really don't know yet.

But once his work is done all the major cities on earth will have to be emptied.  They must be prepared for simultaneous attack from space by new, environmentally friendly, "clean" bombs.  Every decent sized building on earth will have a sudden flash of light thrown upon its face, and instantly turn into the richest most fertile soil the planet has ever know.  Like castles made of sand they hold for a moment... and dissolve into soft piles of earth, thousands of them drifting off into the bright orange sunset.

There is a world wide feeding frenzy!  Life of all kind flocks to these areas.  Within days it's covered with grass. In two weeks trees shoot up from the unmarked graves of New York, Beijing, Tokyo, London, Los Angeles.  By next month there is no sign that the cities ever existed.  Life of all manner would be living there, in perfect harmony.  From the microbes who eat garbage and shit out food, to the 100 foot long eagles who's eyes, more powerful than the Hubble Space Telescope, can see through time.

The atmosphere is being scrubbed clean.  A new form of sunlight, when shined through the new ultra-clean air, will melt tumors away from cancer victims, purify water instantly, and greatly decrease brain activity in the surviving humans.  They remember nothing of the past.

Their memory banks have no records of traffic jams, bars, television, wars, family members, friends, offices, funeral parlors, Starbucks coffee shops, movies, The United States of America, supermarkets, superman, school, music, the internet, names, places, directions, phone numbers, magazines, trains, air travel, space travel, The Miss Universe Contest, garbage cans, advertisements, breakups, the Beatles, clocks, doctor's visits, birthdays, first dates, books, art, computers, hamburgers, buildings, credit cards, jobs or their vote for me to become Supreme Ruler of the Universe.